Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
