My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize