In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
