I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
