If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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