When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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