I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
