I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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