I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
