Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
