Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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