So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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