You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
operation have a gay friend backfired
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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