Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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