So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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