Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
