I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
