You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
