i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
