you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
