He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I cut my penus on the lid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
