New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
