I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
