She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
