yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
