Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
