So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
