I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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