The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
