I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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