kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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