I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
