It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
