I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
