By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
