How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
