I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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