I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
