Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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