I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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