Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
