I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
