That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
