I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
