For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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