if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
