I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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