Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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