So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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