I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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