Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Houston, we have a blender
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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