Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
