she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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