I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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