Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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