Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
