The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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