Got a toothbrush?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
