You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
