We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
