omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
