If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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