Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
