Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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