my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
