do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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