wrigley field is MILF paradise
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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