Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
