I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
