i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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