I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
