She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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