shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
