New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
