the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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