you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
