I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
