; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
