It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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