i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
